live life for the sake of living

:DDD

2011-03-28T04:43:47Z

Go here now. >> CLICKIE

Isn't it pretty? Eh, eh? I'M SO PROUD OF ME. I spent most of the past three days and before then a coupla weeks to work on this...from sketch to giant workspace in MS Paint to almost throwing my laptop at something because I couldn't figure out where I'd fucked up in the code, IT'S DONE AMG!

I don't plan on changing this layout for a loooong time. It's cute and functional (and kinda ugly in IE, sorry IE folks). And I put in way too much effort just to change it a month or two from now. Nope. That baby can stay until next year. XD

I just took my katakana quiz this past Friday. I was really afraid I'd start confusing certain ones but as soon as I saw the test things got...pretty easy. I may have messed up a couple times, but I do think I aced that test. /knocksonwood

Russian is getting complicated. I don't have a huge problem remembering how to conjugate verbs/adjectives depending on the case, but I really suck at remembering vocabulary. The problem is it isn't being used enough, and I'm not sure what to do to make it so that it is. I'm thinking about starting a blog or site or something where I can post only in Japanese and Russian. Maybe something twitter-esque? (I refuse to actually GET a twitter) I can add a section where people could leave their comments and suggestions, too. 8D

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WAHOOO

2011-01-10T08:15:57Z

WE GOT SNOWS. 8D

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La la laaa,

2010-11-30T01:48:22Z

Сейчас 6 часов в понедельник. Вечером я занимаюсь. Это утро я принимала душ, одевалась, завтракала и смотрела телевисор. Днём я обедаю и иду в библиотеку. Ночью я ложусь спать.

делать - to do

Что я делаю утром?
Что ты делаешь утром?
Что он делает днём?
Что мы делаем днём?
Что вы делаете вечером?
Что они делают ночью?

завтракать - to eat breakfast

Утром я завтракаю?
Утром ты завтракаешь?
Утром она завтракает?
Утром мы завтракаем?
Утром вы завтракаете?
Утром твои завтракают?

[ changed method here... ]

Днём вы обедали?
Днём мой сосед обедают.

Вечером мы ужинаем.
Вечером они ужинали.

Днём Кики и Линда идут в бибилиотеку.
На каком дом ты идешь?

Ночью я встаю.
Утром они одеваются.
Днём, что вы смотрите?
Во сколько он ложится?

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Russian Practice 10/28/2010 - Of. #1

2010-10-28T23:26:56Z

The first official post where I practice my Russian. Depending on my mood/work load, you guys might start seeing a lot of these. :3

Я знаю англиский. Я говорю по-англиский. Я очень хорошо говорю по-англиский.
Ты живёшь в большом или маленьком городе?

It's supposed to say:
I know English. I speak English. I speak English very well.
Do you live in a big or small city?

We've been learning some new verbs and today we did prepositional cases of adjectives...or something like that. xD I'm less certain about the second sentence, mainly spelling and the placement of в, but it might be fine. o 3o

I'll check in the book later, but it'd defeat the purpose of practice if I was looking now. D;

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МеченаЯ

2010-10-07T03:23:12Z

МеченаЯ. That's the name of this song I'm really obsessed with atm (think it means "I'm Marked"). And I typed it in Russian cause I need keyboard practice. xD

BLARG. All last week I kept telling myself to pick a day of the week to blog and make this thing updated weekly, but somehow I never got around to doing that, so today I said fuck it, let's just do it.

I'm finally starting to get some exercise done. Yesterday I walked around the block and today I went to the gym with my friend Kiki. We did Zumba. Honestly, I've seen it before and thought it was lame as hell, and thought I'd look even lamer trying to do it. Well, it was actually pretty fun (but I did look pretty lame...I have no rhythm and bum-shaking skills to speak of!).

I'm still failing at this time-management thing, but I told myself to make a weekly schedule so I don't forget to do stuff. Let's see if that actually gets done. >.>

Kinda mad at myself, though. For reasons other than that I'm a rank-S procrastinator, that is. I've been in class, what, five weeks now? Almost six. And I think I'm crushing on this guy in one of my classes...I'm like fuuuuck cause I feel like I wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of having something more than friendship with him (provided I actually make up my mind about what I want - but I'm leaning pretty liberally towards wanting to try at relationships again), and that even if I did there might be certain things about him I won't compromise on. And he has the same first name as a guy I crushed on in middle school...that didn't go so well. OTL This, paired with my time management confusion and a death in the family I still don't know how to cope with, my mind is a fucking mess and so are my emotions. Most of the time I feel okay, but the mind wanders...

Curse this headache. And I've got homework.. Dx

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tilyet.

2010-09-11T01:12:13Z

If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

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Things I Wanna Have Done By Next Year.

2010-08-17T03:05:39Z

x Learn to drive.
x Get a car (preferably one that's already paid for so I just buy the car and then worry about the other stuff).
x Find a place to live (possibly with a roomie) that isn't on campus or at home.
x Have a 4.0 GPA in school.
x Have a steady flow of income.

Cheers.

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Zombie apocalypse...

2010-08-04T04:31:42Z

BRAINS!

I got 56.4220183486239% on the

Ultimate Zombie Apocalypse Survival Quiz!

Not bad! You ranked somewhere in the middle. You could do worse, but then again you could do better. Now might be a good time to buy a machete and stock up on canned foods...

Take the quiz!

quiz created by elis and adam.

Clearly my chances of survival are iffy D: (

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What the fuck.

2010-08-03T10:23:04Z

So I'm sitting here waiting for a game to load and watching tv, and what do I see? An ad for Zach Wamp. And what does he say? "America needs to return to its Judeo-Christian heritage.." Uhm, wtf? This guy's running for governor and this is the shit he's saying? I wouldn't vote for him if my life depended on it!

Why are these politicians of TN including their religion in their campaigns? Religion should -not- matter. Religion is already having way too much influence on the law, and this is what I hear? Please tell me only Tennessee is this crazy... @.@

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Kicks...

2010-06-22T11:14:44Z

I need to find a new outlet for all my whiny moments. As soon as I find another Jack Skellington diary...I knew I shoulda bought two. D:

Anywho...my dreams are starting to freak me out. The "predicting" aspect of them is becoming more apparent every day. The most recent one I remember basically left me feeling like I'd been abandoned by people I actually care about for games, and forgotten about. It was a horrible feeling, especially for just waking up from the dream. Then later on, think it was possibly that same day, there was a particular point that night I just felt rather crummy, and the situation was similar to the one in the dream. And it wasn't the first dream I had to do that to me.

It's like I'm being told through my dreams how I'm going to feel later on IRL. I usually just write them off as my inner self being silly, but it's rather unnerving to realize that I'm not okay, and probably won't be until I actually resolve my deeper issues, which I clearly failed at doing on my own.

Think I've said it before, but this new issue piled onto all the other annoyances I've made for myself is starting to make me seriously consider getting professional "consultation." But I'd really rather not go that route at least until I'm making money. They probably charge tons just to listen to ya babble...and give their "professional opinion." Ugh. I never feel like I'm getting helped when I see a doctor; I just feel like I'm getting violated. Especially when it's the ones who insist you undress so they can touch you. >.>;;

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NOOOO!!

2010-06-02T11:21:59Z

Federer...he lost..whyyyyy!!

Damn that was a good match, though. Couldn't believe what I was seeing, but I saw it...at least he didn't get bulldozed over. D; Too tired...I might dream about this now.

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Why is it...

2010-05-29T10:08:34Z

..I'm fucking afraid of having to share a room with some chick? Of going off to college and being miserable, and being fucking stuck there? Of not fulfilling my wishes?

Every night I go to bed thinking how awesome it would be if I could win the $100mil+ lottery. How set I'd be. How simple life would be. Am I just looking for an easy way out?

I'm actually physically sickened by the college's orientation program. It's making MCA's orientation look nice! I just fail to understand how forcing a bunch of people who don't know each other to be around each other for two fucking days (staying overnight) is a good idea. I'm sure most people will just go along with it. I don't think I'd be half as upset as I am if:

1. I didn't have to pay to attend
2. I wasn't required to spend the night
3. I wasn't required to attend all the activities

They have various other things going on besides the usual registration and explanation process, such as parties (involving a pool), that I just do not give a shit about. I'm not a party girl and I'm not about to become one. I don't even own a bathing suit, not to mention the fact I can't swim, and apparently I'm required to attend a pool party? Yeah, I'm not going anywhere near a damn pool unless there's a giant fence around it.

Please let me be bitching for no reason. Let me get there and find out I can chill in whatever room they shove me in.

Anywho I'm hoping that if I can't get a single, I can shack up with my friend who'll be in a dorm there (for just the summer, I think). Cause if I gotta be stuck in a room with another girl, I'd like it if it was her. She's neat and not loud. I would absolutely hate to be stuck in a room with a party animal and a complete slob Dx

I know I sound uber anti-new experiences in this post, but I am trying. But it's like they peeked into my head and decided to throw things at me that I just absolutely cannot fucking stand.

And what's up with foundation classes? Sometimes I get the feeling all the stuff I learned in high school was useless. Why can't I just take exactly all the classes I want to? I mean, damn. I am paying thousands of bucks for them. I'm not doing this so I can get a job and make other people happy. I'm doing this cause I like learning and this is actually the easiest way to do so (aside from working a part time job and mooching what I need off my 'rents for a bloody eternity, staring at a computer screen all day trying to make heads or tails of fucking functions!)

What do I want out of this experience? Guidance. Knowledge. A different life. But all to my liking. I'll be the first to admit I'm a control freak and don't like others trying to control me. But a little insight (that's actually helpful and not just people telling me what they want me to do) would be great...here I am, 19, and have no fucking clue how to achieve what I want out of life. I only know I don't want to live on whatever job I do and whatever I do, I need to really REALLY like it. Love it, even. *flails*

I'm starting to not mind my city so much. Even though crime is still high as hell and I'm still afraid that when the big earthquake comes we'll all fall into the river and die. Truth of it is I just don't know anything else and I'm not that eager to move out of the south to a place where, well...where there won't be as many black people XD I guess it's true that "familiar faces" can be more welcoming than "unfamiliar" ones. And I'm sure I've said that in a past entry before Dx I have nothing against any other ethnicities, I just really don't want to be surrounded by a multitude of other.

TENNIS. I've been watching the French Open when I remember to. I even watched some college tennis on tv the other day. It's so exciting! I keep thinking, will the college tennis team let me on? Do I even need to be on a team? I just want to play tennis. I suck hard and it's really difficult to practice my serve in this house's yard (insert even more excuses here). But I really wanna play. And...oh lord! I wish people would stop bitching about Venus's outfits XD She can keep on rockin' her motif.

So...I think I have some goals. I'll try and list them here.

1. Not drop out.
I've already told myself, no matter how bad it may suck, I shouldn't drop out. Just...no. Suck it up and grow a pair.

2. Develop conworld and conlanguages.
So...much...to...do!! I'll never get it done sitting on my ass all day >.>

3. Learn Russian and speak it fluently.
4. Get a steady flow of income.
So I can move the fuck out and stop being so damn dependent. For some simply living on campus is enough, but I say hell to the no. If I'm going to live in this city I'm gonna need to be able to support myself ASAP.
5. Improve my tooling and pixeling skills.
6. Improve my drawing abilities.
7. UPDATE MY DAMN DOLL SITE.
Seriously. I still haven't gotten up commission information and pixel art that should have been up ages ago.
8. Read all the books on my bookshelves that have not been finished/read yet.
So like, at least 50% of what I own, lol.

9. Learn to meditate.
10. Meditate every day.
11. Figure out if I'm actually interested in having romantic relationships with people, or if I just want the touchy-feely bits.
I struggle with this...most people would say that what I'm looking for is similar to friends with benefits (except I refuse to fuck anyone, ever).
12. Learn to dry my hair completely, and learn how to style it in ways that do not involve buns or ponytails. I am ashamed to be this old and not know how to do that.
13. Wash my hair either weekly/biweekly. And then GREASE THAT SHIT.
14. Stop being so damn lazy.
15. Write moar.
16. STOP GOING TO BED AT FUCKING 5 IN THE MORNING. 3 is acceptable >.>;
17. Exercise more, eat less.
I've been eating like five million desserts every day. Oi!

Uhm...yeah, I should probably stop there. Some aren't major and could stand to wait but that's mostly what's been on my mind. Now I'm debating playing some Brawl, playing some FFTA2, listening to music, or going to sleep. Might start one and end with sleeping D;

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College.

2010-05-11T07:23:17Z

I'm going.

Already applied to U of M and got accepted, now I'm waiting for my housing application info to come back. That's right, Maro is venturing into the real world! Lol. I feel really sorry for anyone who's unfortunate enough to get stuck in a room with me, really. Hoping against hope I get that single...

Well, at least I'm not dreading this like I was last time. I daresay I'm quite excited! That's mainly the nerd talkin' though. Still, going in with a positive attitude has GOT to be better than me dreading it all. I'm expecting all the classes to be as work intensive as my APUSH class was. If they are, I should be able to manage. Even though I didn't do very well as I could have in APUSH, I'd know what to expect and what to do differently so I don't get behind in my work. Mainly, not procrastinating rofl.

Now here's all this excitedness...I'm hoping I don't get discouraged again. Bluh.

I also added to my list of acceptable jobs to work. Maybe I'll get one before school starts...it'd just be for the summer. I already know trying to combine a job + school + schoolwork...oh yes, and no car = major hot mess. Even after I finally get a damn license (determined face goes here), I still won't have a car to drive around in. Not to mention my bro is graduating this year, too. So that's why living on campus is kinda necessary, and why working some off-campus job would be dumb. I hope I can get some work study at the college so I'll have money for stuff. Dunno how I'mma get my perm every six weeks >.>

Ah well, that's all for now. I'm sure I forgot something.

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Still a neeerd.

2010-04-19T09:17:04Z

As I'm starting to get into the idea of going back to school now, I realize that the urges of old are returning to me. I am desperate to get in school, study (cause I hardly -ever- did that), and fucking PAWN everybody else. I guess I'm still upset about letting my class rank drop so much in senior year. If I'd tried I think I could have been salutatorian, and -maybe- even valedictorian. Maybe. I would have settled for 2nd best though. Beats dropping out of the top 20! xD

I'm not even sure how I'll act on these urges. I might be all talk and no action once school actually starts. I might revert to my highschool ways and procrastinate so much I forget to do stuff and thus make unsatisfactory grades. I keep looking back at all the times I slacked off, and see that that slacking off prevented me from doing better. Geez. There is nothing like seeing your potential and knowing you can do better, but doing nothing about it. In any case, I want perfect scores. I want to be the constant over-achiever. There is something immensely fulfilling about beating out everyone else...I cannot deny my competitiveness in the academic area. Even when I was being a lazy asshole in senior year, I was actually working to suppress that competitiveness.

It's just quite difficult. There are two me's. Lazy fatass and wimpy nerd. More complex than that, but it's 4AM. I don't want to get rid of one of us for the sake of another, I want us to work together and become the ass-kicking, money-earning, life-loving duo I think we have the potential to be. I just don't know how to do that. Perhaps it is time to stop assuming nobody will know what the fuck I'm talking about and ask for help?

I'm trying to get everything in my life back on track. In all the time I haven't posted on this thing, I've been in and out of a relationship, and gotten and quit a job. I'm not sure what the latter says about me. It looks bad, though. Now I really don't have a choice but to rectify it. I'm still not doing exactly what everyone else wants me to do, but I definitely need to get a lot more proactive about bringing more money into the house so my 'rents don't have to worry about my various medical and academic needs.

I've got a few ideas aside from taking commissions, they just require a -lot- of work and advertising myself. Both things I certainly need to work on. Maybe I'll make a list. Those are always fun and put things in a clear light for me. Hrm.

~~

I remember in one of my blogs/diaries, ages ago, I wrote I wasn't coming out about being bisexual and atheist until I was out of the house. Well over the years things changed and I am totally out to my immediate family. However, recently my (very religious) grandparents found out I'm atheist. They did exactly what I thought they would - tried to convince me I'm wrong and that I need God in my life. And of course -everyone- in the family loves to bring up pa in the hospital. In my opinion, that is going too far. You don't bring up someone's medical problems to back your opinion and attempt to "prove" something religious to me. You just don't. I'm honestly surprised I didn't get all witty while standing there, but then I've never been very vocal with them. Plus I talk low. xD

Now they wanna talk about my ungodliness but there really isn't anything to talk about. I suppose I should call them one day to kinda put in their minds that there is nothing they can do, as my choosing to be atheist is just that - my choice. They can try to educate me as much as they like, but I am loyal to my beliefs. Just as they are to theirs.

Man. I wonder what they'd say to me if they found out I am bisexual too. Do they need to know? It's not like I'm seeing anyone. Hrmm.

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I have no life.

2010-04-08T05:29:09Z

And I don't know if I like that or not.

Ever since, I think, Summer of '07 I've been an Internet Whore. I'd call that one step beneath Internet Addict. Even if I'm not on the internet I'm sure to be found doing something that does not require other people to interact with me - reading, drawing, playing games, and writing. Oh yes, and sleeping. If I'm on the net in an avatar community, I'm there to dress up my avatar first and chat second. However without other people you can't do much of either, so I get a bit...clingy to people who actually bother to talk to me. This isn't just on the net, either. IRL I quickly get attached to those who share similar interests and have talks with me. And when they disappear on me it kinda sucks.

To make a really unnecessarily long story short, I want to have a life...and I don't. Yeah, makes no sense. I know. The thought of spending the rest of my life alone in my home and only venturing out when I need to is both depressing and exciting. I don't want to turn into one of those women who goes out where everyone else goes because it's where everyone else is going. I don't wanna be a crazy cat lady either, lol.

I'm not very good with people, and the more exposed to them I am the more likely I am to latch onto them and become too emotionally involved with them. And the moment they get another life outside of me, or some mate they forget about me and I'm back to square one.

I dunno, I definitely have trust issues with people. I don't have a clue how I'm supposed to achieve some sort of life without compromising my values or doing things I am quite highly against doing. Maybe it just happens. Or maybe I'm just a hermit in the wrong century.

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Oh-lee PHUCK.

2010-04-05T06:12:58Z

It's been a hella long time since I posted here. >.<
I'm sorry /falls to knees.

I have a lot that's happened but I may/may not post it all. It'd certainly be the biggest wall o' text in history. I think. >.>;

The funny part is as much as I'd have to say about it it's basically all going to come back to one thing....me ranting about how lame the world is. Lol. Or at least the people around me are for expecting me to conform to their standards.

Whatever.

I'm still the same chubbeh one who sits on her bum all day thinking up all manner of things. I'll -have- to give a little more detail in my next few posts. /tired.

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moo....

2010-02-07T10:34:48Z

Life is boring me to hell. I need to...take charge.

( Long questionnaire behind cut. Do eet? )

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Caffiene~~~

2010-02-01T04:04:06Z

I really think I have an addiction to it, in the form of colas >.>;
They're so yummy~! It's not like I drink 5 of 'em in a day, though. I've heard too many horror stories to continue drinking sodas in great abundance D:

*rolls*

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flails

2010-01-29T21:13:12Z

We got some fecking SNOW~! It's really more like soft ice, though. Erm, yeah.....lol.
I took some pics but they suck so I'm probably not going to post them, not yet at least.

I'm going to return the boots I bought in addition to the skirt I was already planning on returning. They're cute as fuck...but aren't flattering at all on my chunky legs v__v;
Ah, but I will find a cuter, more versatile pair of shoes (cheaper too) and all will be well. XD

This morning I dreamt I was working at the theatre again, but there was a noticeable lack of popcorn so filling buckets was a pain in the ass. And the day before I had about 3 different dreams that all took place in school-like settings. What the hell? My brain sure loves to torment me when I sleep. Anywho, I think today's dream just paints a brighter picture that I must really want a job. I do quite need money - for art supplies, room organization, debt, and other stuff. Okay, so only one thing I listed is a real need...but there's nothing wrong with wants, is there? Plus, me mom's talking about ending the contract on my 3G connection thingy, so I may not have internet either. Fuck! How am I supposed to fill out applications/find a job with no internet? How am I gonna check my bank account? The other computer is usually tied up by someone and the internet is SLOW AS ALL HELL. It's a pain in the ass and I'll probably through the thing through the window if I have to rely on that shit. >.< So yeah, a job would be great right about now.

And then there's another problem. If I do get a job around here, it makes me wonder if the pleasure of earning money would keep me from going to school. Working and going to school feels out of the question. I realize I may have to give in to doing something if things get tight, but it just wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. I could barely get my homework done before, and that was with just school. If I end up having to go to school AND work, when am I going to have time for homework? What if my work or school schedule isn't flexible and I'm constantly having to bust ass just to make it from point A to point B? Nevermind the fact I don't even have my own car to drive (working on getting a permit, though...). I wanna get things done, but I don't want to stress myself out/murder myself in the process. I've never really been able to cope too well under stress, and I know if I end up having to work while going to school something somewhere is going to get less-than-tolerable attention. Did I mention I'll still be living at home while all this would be going on? Yeah, not exactly the best setup.

Gah. >.<
For now I'd like to focus on getting a job. Then maybe I can start getting some commissions out (I'm getting better at CG, I think.)

~~

Why does it take 8 days for a package from Cali to get to TN when I could order something from overseas and have it delivered quicker? Dx

~~

I've been absolutely fried these past few days. I keep getting the most annoying headaches and my breathing gets a little funny, like I'm extremely nervous for something and can't keep things under control. I've attributed it to feeling ignored/bored/alone. Yeah, even when I'm talking to people, I still feel just...alone. It's annoying. There's no real engagement, and conversation hits "surface" at best. Nothing very deep or, well, engaging. Like...light chit-chat. I hate to say it, but it's just bloody boring. The forums I frequent are slow, too. Slow slow slooooooooow. Slower than a turtle. And not as cute, either. >.>;
I suppose it's somewhat my fault (not all my fault though. no way). I must have talked too much all at once. I don't normally do, but I guess I got...excited? and now I seem to have exhausted my most preferred "topics." Then again, almost anything could be a topic depending on my mood...

It really doesn't help me either, when small things set me off. All of a sudden part of my brain is ranting and mad. I could try and do something to take my mind of all the annoyance, but it doesn't solve the problem. I dislike strongly trying to forget things that need to be dealt with. It feels irresponsible and rather silly. So then I keep pecking away at the problem and usually I end up annoying someone else, which in turn annoys me even more and...ugh. I spend entirely too much time by myself.

*rolls*
For now, I'm just going to immerse myself deeply in my art and thoughts, and music. Youtube is awesome.

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sighs

2010-01-24T21:25:20Z

I'm so fucking tired of these same old arguments - "You're just a big fat lazy slob who needs to be told when to do everything because you act like a big fat two year old. Therefor we treat you like a two year old. Oh yeah, you sit around the house doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to get things going for yourself, so we keep telling you to do stuff. Aaaaand UR THA KID, U SHUT UP WHEN WE'RE TALKING KTHXBAI."

Please. Just stfu.

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Finally! xD

2010-01-19T22:28:07Z

( The last of my order came in today. Pix in da cut. )

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=/

2010-01-14T10:23:18Z

............

....>.>

<.<....

...I started this journal for a completely different reason, but I can't even find the words I need to say it, so screw it. Blah.

Anywho, I've been drooling over lolita fashion sites the past couple of nights/early mornings. And I finally bought some clothes that have the cute and elegant style I like, featuring ruffles! XD I wish I could find some cute lacy tops and skirts.

But what I want MORE THAN ANY OTHER CLOTHING ARTICLE atm is a skirt that's decently poofy or a couple of cheap petticoats. I've been looking at some that lolitas wear, and wow! The levels of poof you can attain are amazing XD

With enough time, money, effort and knowledge I'll be stylin' myself up in the mornings like it's a piece of cake and ttly not a bother. I want to buy some foundation just to even out my skin (perhaps the healthy skin type...forgot what's the brand) and some mascara because I'm tired of fooling with eyeliner XD I wonder if I can wear makeup over my acne ointment @.@
And~! I'm going to learn to actually do stuff with my hair. I've been contemplating cutting the front part again, to bangs that come down just below my eyebrows and are straight. And the rest would be..uhm, idk, just straight I suppose. It's easier for me to curl my hair when it's already straight. Also. Must learn to use a hot comb properly. I hate trying to use flat irons on my hair. >.>

I bought a layered (tiered?) black skirt (ugh...I didn't know I could actually get tired of black skirts, but I did need a new one) and a light blue one with what looked like eyelet detail near the bottom. I got about...uhm...3 tops and a lightweight sweater too. I just love clearance. XD Oh yes! And a super cute pair of ankle boots in a vibrant blue. Hooray for boots that will only match one piece in my closet! XD
If, when I get my packages (Friday or Saturday, me hopes!) and everything fits the way I like, I'm definitely gonna go camwhore for a bit. XD I've still got a decent amount of monies, and the only other thing I really need is some Crayola markers in skin tone colors, so I am going to be on the hunt for a good cheap petticoat or something like it. If I really have to, I'll just buy some fabric and make it myself. Of course, not before learning some good sewing techniques and possibly finding a pattern. Oh yes...I need cute hair accessories. I have some cute lil headbands, but I gots no clue where they are and they are too skinny anyways lol. Bah, I like dolling myself up XD

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Note to self.

2010-01-05T09:26:45Z

Update this bitch. I keep forgetting >.e

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Oh yes.

2009-12-14T06:49:12Z

It's another one of those posts. Sorriez. Dx

Nveri ditez inazel' vuktl (ie skel), ti kritl mey. Wi odton kon ky! Til erli sutrakteti ot teg mye rezdul. Errm, kinteti til mye okpostekri tegteti ni eht viy galin. Ten galin, w'azhu ey suktpriordriz mofo, lol. Vir la wi kon, w'azhu sujut ebteti strung dagol'. Vish wi erli poktu ton, tubek nen kera kon. It really bothers me to get that way...tubek til kruzathl mey mero ven inazel kallyinl.

And I wonder if it would matter otherwise...vat kemkl inazel os zepal'? Wi sukoss ti erli sah onteti otod vit mey, tubek wi naccton dafdisa y inazel maztek eb ERIVER!! Srsly, inazel sah gatdetet la vero eht palz! Mebbe tahtl vat nneyl mey. Ven wi sildi loltet ot eb naoly vit syem, inazel si teyr! Vo kur, ton salwil...tubek di! I wish I could get rid of this feeling. >.<

Guess I'm sick...some sort of freaky rash all over me, and other shat I ain't even gonna mention lol. I'm on two pills now, though. Hooray.

And I am happier than I've been in a while. Shall it last, when I zsokod alrulk efelteti dorz inazel...

I really need to go through my reading page...so behind @.@

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Dammit

2009-11-22T05:52:01Z

Edit- icon is fugly right there. Dx

It's possible I left my DSi at the dentist's office...brilliant. Tomorrow I'll call. They have cameras (I hope), so if I did leave it there should be something on them. Hopefully someone up there can be bothered to entertain me.

I was wondering...if the main reason I'm going to school is so I can get a job to pay off debt/have steady income, then why should I waste time/money at a university? If I have as much a chance of getting a job after tech school/community college, shouldn't I go with the option that suits me most?

I am one big fat bag of stupidly annoying emotions right now. Sometimes I actually feel happy, but it's not long before one little incident sends me spiraling into some kind of whacked out mini-depression. I get angry and jealous rather easily these days. I feel like I'm 14 again, and that sucks. Feelings of loneliness I haven't felt since that one summer (at least, not so strongly). It seems even more pressing now that I am a full-time loser and do not leave the house.

Mom keeps telling me I'm not doing anything at all to put my talents to use. PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP. After dealing with inconsistent self-confidence, doubt, lack of motivation, tiredness, and what I'm afraid is depression, it can be pretty hard to actually convince myself to take the next step. Hell, I'm still not even really sure I can do anything. Every time I try to write, I end up staring at the paper (or Notepad) and then going off into some little fantasy. I can't draw for shit...plenty of ideas, but it seems I can't bring myself to actually draw. I have been pixelling lately, but I'm not good enough for the big stuff (and apparently other things too...). x///////x

Right now I'd really like to stop feeling so J/angry. I don't know why...I've always been rather possessive. Possessive of people, and my items. And sometimes ideas >.>;;;
I kinda wish I could have an OOBE for a mo' and just slap some sense into myself.

What would I do if I didn't have internet? If I didn't come here and whine about my silly life to y'all? Would I just be layin' around on the couch playing videogames or stuffing my face? Or would I actually do more art? One thing I'm almost certain of is I'd probably feel a lot lonelier. Damn, I hate this version of me. So WHINY~ Dx

Now, to go find food. They bought BK again...know I don't like that crap...better not get mad when I crack open that bag of chips. I need salt, dammit.

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